Chaotic void cultivation, cultivation of an inner organic ecosystem, the internal garden, the eternal flame, the eternal immaterial. Lay awake at night and fade into the ceiling, break the seal, instilled with fear in real time, tongue tied and intertwined two bodies in a pile of sweat and musk. Flustered, the concussed, cussing under breath, under oath, under death. As above so below, the hill and its shadow, the yin and the yang, the counterparts. Parts of a whole, facets of a shattered mirror, mirror image of a mirror image of fear itself. A tuft of hair tucked behind an ear, open up the mind and feel. It's a year away and a year is three hundred and sixty five days and if we fade away we decay decay decay. Leap year, leap into the water before you dip your toe in. Foreboding and foreshadowed, forever and forgot. The lamp casts its reflection in the delapidated glass window whose paint chips a daily quota owing to the forces of entropy. Ask the window to set a reminder, it must remind me of who I am and who I once was, it must remind me that this is not my home and never was and never will be. The contract expires again and over again. The wind hits your skin like a suckerpunch to the gut. A strong gust tears me limb from limb. Up the stairs there's an attic you will reside in, it will fair you well for the next phase of your journey but once the next phase starts you must let go. You must let go of consistency, you must let go of expectations, you must let go of the material bargain, none of it will be useful in the long run. Stray from the path at times and the creek will always be there to guide you back. The flow of the creek, the creek and its unending flow... On overstaying your welcome, where is the line? When was the welcome extended and when was it overextended? What was the trajactory? When was I welcome? You're welcome. You're always welcome back.

Outside the well I stare into the pool of brackish water wondering what it would be like to touch the bottom. I feel like Samara, I'm still trapped in that well and I'm not doing well. Variations in the melodrama of life and trials and tribulations. When I wake I feel as though I can feel the various distortions other beings create upon the fabric of reality. It is a relentless drone. Honing my mind out of respect for the distortion, feeling my way through the wall of white noise. We are all blind but it's all relative, like time. Straining my head pondering time. I am suspended in time and suspended in tree sap turning into amber. Her name was Amber. Outside of the chamber, I wonder what it was like to even be in it. The chamber was all I knew for over twenty years but it feels unfamiliar.

Crawl back into the crack in the wall. Picking at the edges of the degradation, my lifeless body drops to the floor. Pick it back up, five second rule. Wide ruled notebook and a pencil pouch in the backpack I carry in dreams where I repeat school over again. Which way, wash away, wish a way forward to become visible. Drool on my pillow, toolbox outside of the tool shed. Two heads are better than one so I become siamese twins with myself. Split in two, a watermelon. Don't recall the design. A dirty job, it's honest labor. It's the hottest day of the year. Extinguish the fire with tears. You have to tear it down to build it up again. Cup of skin, cup my ears I don't want to hear a thing. The sub tone of your voice bothers me. Sedate my face, make me numb. Walk into a slovenly fever dream. It is excruciating. Scream out loud, bleed my veins with a knife or a leech. Uninhibited, unleashed. Leashed to the pole in the backyard. The backyard has missing patches of grass and dry dirt cracking. Zig zag frown turn it upside down. Down the street we go and hide in the rain drain in your parents back yard, your dad comes out and yells at us. Relief brought on by deceit, keep the receipt, keep the change, keep the strange ways hidden, they'll steal your way of living. An aphid, ever so miniscule, live in my shoes. Sit in confusion. The sentence formula, baby formula for the neighbor's new born. A new storm is rolling in check the forecast. Hard drive backed up, sink backed up, car backed up and drove away. Stay awake, stay away, the way stays. It loops and replays. The weight aches my muscles and tendons. Ten houses down from where I once lived. I didn't give enough notice before leaving. Chronically focused still dreaming while the shower starts steaming up the mirror. The mirror made its mark on me, it's not hard to see. Alien abduction fetish, recalled lettuce. Flesh recall, total recall DVD on my night stand. Tooth paste scratch solution. Diluted pursuit. Second hand purse and a pair of boots. Foreboding dilapidation of the body. Trod in mud. In the parking lot zoned out, zoomed out, find out who's loud enough to be heard.

Enter the yin and yang on the street by the gas station. We got a speedway down the road. We got a vape store down the road. We have it all down the road. Speed in the truck in the cold while we're drunk. Still 17 years old, still 15 years old, still 25 years old. Still born, wake up reformed into a new alter, new altars. New symbols and new idolatry. distant eyes with pupils dilated. failures and alien sightings, enlightenment on gas station pills, ash trays and mountains out of mole hills, molded into your own little puppet, scolded in a corner I was shoved into, dove into the ash and being reborn, perform. jaded scorn, faded form. trade me away, in the reflection my naked face is presented to me.

we became something more. as we fell into the ash and grime, we became something more. a fallen angel falling upward out of hell. dark angel goddess of entropy. a witch as a performance but an angel as divine true self.

Introduce your energy to the presence in the room, we took too long to address the elephant in the room, I can hear it whining. There's a winding road outside of the mountain and the tunnel that goes through it feels like it is tightening closer and closer on top of my skull. Pull confetti out of the top of my spinal cord, pluck my brain stem. I went out on a limb for you, I walked the plank, outside giving thanks for what I have and what I haven't. Losing myself in the cavern, the walls drip and ooze onto your finger tips when you stroke the cave paintings. Standing up and almost fainting. Eyes blank and empty. Blink out the dust, the rain is heavy. The rain brings mold and my nose is snotty. Shoddy shelter in the woods like bridge to teribithea. Terrified of the fever, I've given up. Live up to expectations, expect patience, expect maintenance on my torn ligaments. Fiber optic filaments, screwed in the fundament, underneath the covers. Cover up your starvation.

When you whisper to the wind when does it listen and when does it reply? Plywood stuck with nails, nails trimmed down to the red skin, Ativan on the bathroom sink. Leave the fan on when you sleep for the white noise, notice every noise and wake up alert. learned behaviors, learned to savor the fragments of divine. Safe and sound and aligned. Set the leaves on fire in the backyard where we smoked and there was a food truck in the yard over the chain link fence. Too defensive, fend off the predators and the enemies. There's no end of this or an end to me is there? Is there air if its more like an absence? Abcess tooth, I miss my youth and my cousin and getting into abandoned houses. How's this all sound to you?

Aces, the first, the beginning, primary, oneness, wholeness, unity, a fresh start, a clean slate. Counterparts, two sides, two pillars, the high priestess, the portal created between two opposing sides. Balance, the scales, justice, equal, egalitarian, level, calm, measured.

Piece of paper folded up in the envelope I received on my doorstep, God wept. He wept, God wept. He wept. THe ground is wet underneath of my feet, there is a puddle of oil about a yard away from me in a crater in the asphalt. There is a dirty dog stuffed animal next to the wall on the side of the gas station. Sweat bees swarm over the trash can on the other side of the gas station. The trash can is next to the pump for putting air in car tires. Inside the gas station there is a wide variety selection of tobacco blunt wraps, I promptly buy a pack of two. In an hour my lungs will be tainted by weed smoke and for a short period of time I will be a little more distant from my body than usual. I am able to feel spirits around me and in my peripheral vision I can always see them sliding past eachother like a busy public area.