we became something more. as we fell into the ash and grime, we became something more. a fallen angel falling upward out of hell. dark angel goddess of entropy. embody a performance but an angel as divine true self.

Introduce your energy to the presence in the room, we took too long to address the elephant in the room, I can hear it whining. There’s a winding road outside of the mountain and the tunnel that goes through it feels like it is tightening closer and closer on top of my skull. Pull confetti out of the top of my spinal cord, pluck my brain stem. I went out on a limb for you, I walked the plank, outside giving thanks for what I have and what I haven’t. Losing myself in the cavern, the walls drip and ooze onto your finger tips when you stroke the cave paintings. Standing up and almost fainting. Eyes blank and empty. Blink out the dust, the rain is heavy. The rain brings mold and my nose is snotty. Shoddy shelter in the woods like bridge to teribithea. Terrified of the fever, I’ve given up. Live up to expectations, expect patience, expect maintenance on my torn ligaments. Fiber optic filaments, screwed in the fundament, underneath the covers. Cover up your starvation.

When you whisper to the wind when does it listen and when does it reply? Plywood stuck with nails, nails trimmed down to the red skin, Ativan on the bathroom sink. Leave the fan on when you sleep for the white noise, notice every noise and wake up alert. learned behaviors, learned to savor the fragments of divine. Safe and sound and aligned. Set the leaves on fire in the backyard where we smoked and there was a food truck in the yard over the chain link fence. Too defensive, fend off the predators and the enemies. There’s no end to this or an end to me is there? Is there air if its more like an absence? Abcess tooth, I miss my youth and my cousin and breaking into abandoned houses. How’s this all sound to you?

Piece of paper folded up in the envelope I received on my doorstep, God wept. He wept, God wept. He wept. The ground is wet underneath of my feet, there is a puddle of oil about a yard away from me in a crater in the asphalt. There is a dirty dog stuffed animal next to the wall on the side of the gas station. Sweat bees swarm over the trash can. The trash can is next to the pump for putting air in car tires. Inside the gas station there is a wide variety selection of tobacco blunt wraps, I promptly buy a pack of two. In an hour my lungs will be tainted by weed smoke and for a short period of time I will be a little more distant from my body than usual. I am able to feel spirits around me and in my peripheral vision I can always see them sliding past eachother like people traversing a mall.

what's it like to have a name? iron out the details, strike while the iron is hot, it all shines. we all shine. all twine unravels, revel in it you putrid dog, dozing off in the car, what do we call this? missed my stop, missed my turn. you live and learn to let the bridges burn. special terms and conditions and angiosperms shriveled up for the season, like me like the reasons for speaking, whisper in the night all the secrets. nestled in between the walls, no clip girl i can't say what i saw. watch her fall down and get back up, hard drive mingling on the altar, fall hurts my self esteem, fallen leaves and steam coming out of a sewer drain, it drives me sane.

coffee in my morning mug, mourning a dry aqueduct, adequete but outta luck, stay outta love. stay quiet, quit while you're ahead, keep a good head on your shoulders, shoulder the blame, a shoulder to cry on, a boulder to fall down on top of you, sisyphus, silly shit and indica, pondering minutiae, fuschia fake blood in suspiria, used to love delirium and misery and experiencing fear in my stomach. used to how low they stoop, regroup, recoup the time investment, arrested development inside a test tube, a petri dish. they see reason as a burden, learn but never change, burn the tuft of hair, in range of the smell. even angels fell, calculate the average, leverage on me there's levels to it, there's a lever move it and see what it does, on the cusp of trust or maybe love or maybe lust, turn to dust at dusk.

what's a sight for sore eyes? more hurt and more to wise up to, more lies below beneath the skies, beneath of what's despised, the plans are all devised, the path, the vine we climb, cling onto the lines, cling onto the end of my spine, at the edge of the pines, wandering and sublime, a sense of time changing in the upscale neighborhoods with no sidewalks, wise up and size up your competition, we're all prey, we all pray, a ray of light falls down and shines on my hand, this is all i can stand.

just ease into it, the disease is intuitive, the ache is unbearable, i'm glued to what i pursue, i peruse this pestilent manifestation that grows in my stomach and decide its time to go, its time to leave and never come back "home," uncommon territory between the bushes that sit between the houses in the suburb, i observe, i always observe, subservient to what i witness, im stuck in place, i keep a balanced amount of prudence at the forefront of focus, im honed in and unnoticed, the perfect crime, i'm crying underneath my finger nails, it all pales in comparison to what came before, pale skin, barely an omnivore, i cant afford much at all so i sure as hell cant afford to pay attention, you could cut the tension with a knife like buttter that sits on the counter and gets softened by the lukewarm linoleum heat reverberation, i'm disposed of, after dinner, i'm the garbage getting thinner as decay takes its toll, toe to toe with myself, ode to being whole and well, all's well that ends well, it all swells with perspiration, i'll make a purchase ill never forget, ill become nervous enough to become sweat, to become the very concept of hypervigilance, you know my stance on this, since the dawn of time, since the yawn of God on the morning their slumber ended. sometimes i hate how i talk and write. i hate pondering ideas and looking for a flow, when we're all in the lake practically drowning in what we pretend we don't see, up shits creak blindfolded, head on backwards like a chicken, i emulate independence when i know im dependent on the tapestry and its ever delicate structural integrity, watch the water deepen that has lingered since the beginning, manifest winning so you can show mom and dad, i showed mom and dad and they saw right through me, head barely screwed on tight, at least screw me while you're at it, addict in the attic, i'm practically neurotic, it's definitely erotic, the contents of my skull are a mesh made of flesh and gore, i feel the core of the earth beneath me. its the anxiety of still being around.