Chaotic void cultivation, cultivation of an inner organic ecosystem, the internal garden, the eternal flame, the eternal immaterial. Lay awake at night and fade into the ceiling, break the seal, instilled with fear in real time, tongue tied and intertwined two bodies in a pile of sweat and musk. Flustered, the concussed, cussing under breath, under oath, under death. As above so below, the hill and its shadow, the yin and the yang, counterparts. Parts of a whole, facets of a shattered mirror, mirror image of a mirror image of fear itself. A tuft of hair tucked behind an ear, open up the door to feeling. It’s a year away and a year is three hundred and sixty five days and if we fade away we decay decay decay. Leap year, leap into the water before you dip your toe in. Foreboding and foreshadowed, forever and forgot. The lamp casts its reflection in the delapidated glass window whose paint chips away at a daily quota owing to the forces of entropy. Ask the window to set a reminder, it must remind me of who I am and who I once was, it must remind me that this is not my home and never was and never will be. The contract expires again and over again. The wind hits your skin like a suckerpunch to the gut. A strong gust tears me limb from limb. Up the stairs there’s an attic you will reside in, it will fair you well for the next phase of your journey but once the next phase starts you must let go. You must let go of consistency, you must let go of expectations, you must let go of the material bargain, none of it will be useful in the long run. Stray from the path at times and the creek will always be there to guide you back. The flow of the creek, the creek and its unending flow... On overstaying your welcome, where is the line? When was the welcome extended and when was it overextended? What was the trajactory? When was I welcome? You’re welcome. You’re always welcome back.
What kind of friend are you? Are you obligated?
Crawl back into the crack in the wall. Picking at the edges of the degradation, my lifeless body drops to the floor. Pick it back up, five second rule. Wide ruled notebook and a pencil pouch in the backpack I carry in dreams where I repeat school over and over again. Which way, wash away, wish a way forward to become visible. Drool on my pillow, toolbox outside of the tool shed. Two heads are better than one so I become siamese twins with myself. Split in two, a watermelon. Don’t recall the design. A dirty job, it’s honest labor. It’s the hottest day of the year. Extinguish the fire with tears. You have to tear it down to build it up again. Cut my skin, cup my ears I don’t want to hear a thing. The sub frequencies of your voice bothers me. Sedate my face, make me numb. Walk into a slovenly fever dream. It is excruciating. Scream out loud, bleed my veins with a knife or a leech. Uninhibited, unleashed. Leashed to the pole in the backyard. The backyard has missing patches of grass and dry dirt cracking. Zig zag frown turn it upside down. Down the street we go and hide in the rain drain in your parents back yard, your dad comes out and yells at us. Relief brought on by deceit, keep the receipt, keep the change, keep the strange ways hidden, they’ll steal your way of living. An aphid, ever so miniscule, live in my shoes. Sit in confusion. The sentence formula, baby formula for the neighbor’s new born. A new storm is rolling in check the forecast. Hard drive backed up, sink backed up, car backed up and drove away. Stay awake, stay away, the way stays. It loops and replays. The weight aches my muscles and tendons. Ten houses down from where I once lived. I didn’t give enough notice before leaving. Chronically focused still dreaming while the shower starts steaming up the mirror. The mirror made its mark on me, it’s not hard to see. Alien abduction fetish, recalled lettuce. Flesh recall, total recall DVD on my night stand. Tooth paste scratch solution. Diluted pursuit. Second hand purse and a pair of boots. Foreboding dilapidation of the body. Trod in mud. In the parking lot zoned out, zoomed out, find out who’s loud enough to be heard. Outside of the herd looking in like a wolf, a wolf in sheeps clothing, a sheep in wolves clothing.