Would it ever be worth my while? It's always worth a try. It's worth a try. It's worth a cry afterwards. It's worth ripping your hair out over. It's worth crying over. It's not worth crying over. Crying never. Cryogenically frozen turn the lever and let me out. On the level I'm not allowed to go out. I'm not allowed to talk to you. I'm not allowed to be friends with you. Noone came over. Noone hung out. Noone played. No replays, no takebacksy. All along I was never a top choice. Smart but too weird. Weird but too smart. Wise but naive. An unmarked grave with untapped potential. We could hoard pencils, we could look towards tomorrow or potentially the next week. Dampened handful of toilet paper stuck to the ceiling in the bathroom. I stuck out like a sore thumb, my thumb were sore from doing the "dumb," work the "work harder not smarter," work.

I would try again for you. I would cry again for you. It's nearing the end of January 2026 and I turn 25 on February 3rd. I never thought I would make it here. I never thought I would live this long. A quarter of a century I've lived, I've survived. I don't know much what to feel on birthdays. I don't find time checkpoints to be satisfying at all.

I watch the water fall out of the faucet, I watch as my teeth fall out. I'm in a nightmare in 3rd person, watching and learning and burning. Ropes burn on my wrist, I won't exist. I'm on a solo trip to the moon and I'm never coming back. I cry inside and fold up like a blanket, I cry inside and noone hears me scream either, mouth breather, nose breather, can't stand my features or speaking or the fever I wake with every morning. Yawning, boring, you told this story, stole a few items from the store I'm horny. Go outside and the cold chaps my lips, the chill slaps my fist and my knuckles peel. I cave into what's real. I cave in to how you feel. My field of view distorts, murmurs and quick retorts, I'm taught to force a laugh. Lying to a psychopath, dying. You told me to leave, so I left. I'll change the locks this time, I can do it to myself. I'll put your belongings on the porch, I'll yank the bandaid off, I'll unscrew the training wheels. I'll control the narrative and for what and for what? Follow the impulse in earnest, be honest. I watch my emotional presence stray further into the distance. It isn't even a speck anymore. I want to find my way home. I yearn to be a known unknown. I yearn to be alone. Aloe on the sunburn it's summer and the world keeps turning and the world keeps turning and the blade turns in the stab wound and I'll be alone soon again. Alone with my thoughts, alone with my skin, scanning within to find some kind of plot thats mine to follow. Why did you have to hollow me out? Why did you have to take what wasn't yours to take or have or use? What did you even get from it all? I withdraw from you and I'm shivering in my bed, tensing up, there's an ache in my forehead. I bled for you, you watched me bleed. I'll just keep detaching from me. I'm inbetween. Was I mean to you? Was I the world's youngest manipulator? What do I deserve?

The whirr of cold wind in my ears. It aches and aches and burns and aches like floorboards. Dry wall sores. Go to the store they'll have some! A picture is worth a thousand words. A smile is worth the sun. Discarded son bastardized by definition. Another war of attrition.

The dead horse beaten. The path less taken. Breath taking, the wind has left my lungs. A knock on my door. Tire pressure is low, the unswept snow. I let you go. I let me go. I let too much go.

I'll sketch polygons around your sleeping spirit. I'll go outside with you. I'll tell you you're worth it. I'll kiss you and it will mean something. I will do so many things if what's done stops hurting. I'll cuddle a teddy bear. I'll feel safe. I'll love harder than ever thought possible. I'll fix it all, I promise.

Dreams